Can I get a Mulligan?

Can I get a mulligan? You know, a "do-over"? A Mulligan is simply a second chance when a golfer has hit a poor tee shot that they would rather forget! We just watched a movie called “The Mulligan” starring Pat Boone. It's about a man seeking a “do-over” on his family relationships. Have you ever wished for a mulligan in life? Perhaps a “do-over” to have a better relationship with someone? Your parents? Spouse? Children? A friend? Or even God? Well, I suppose most of us would have something we’d like to take a mulligan on. I'd have to say there are several things in my own life I could have been done better with.

My lack of a relationship with my biological mother, my rocky relationship with my adopted (step) mother, and my estranged relationship with my brother at the end of his life due to his alcoholism are all things I wish could have been better. But I don't know if I'd ask for a mulligan either since many of the things that didn't turn out the way I'd like them to made me the person I am today.

More recently, I have learned how God wants me to love myself. Although I’ve gotten a little better at this, I've often wished I was completely different … different looking, taller, not as fat, more attractive, smarter, more confident, and so on. But, if I was, perhaps I would not have ended up with two wonderful women, Jeannie Marie and Donna Lynn.

I am a very blessed man. TWO beautiful girls chose ME to be their husband. Now, I don’t believe I have been a perfect husband. There are certainly some things I would have liked to have done differently, especially in my time with Jeannie. Not in the way we loved each other because that was about as good as it could be, but in some of the other challenges many couples experience. When we started together, like most young couples, we had our challenges with money and finding our first home. Years later, after moving into our forever home, I started my own business—this consumed much of my time and took my focus away from Jeannie. She also had a very demanding job with a lot of responsibilities.

Now, as I reflect, I wish I had done better. The stress of her job and the concern about our finances, as well as some other personal issues I was unaware of, ultimately may have led to her untimely death. The taking of her own life after 29 years of marriage left me with a lot of questions that will never be answered. I would have done anything for Jeannie. I would have left this world with her had she asked me to. I would not have let her go alone. The thought of her anguish and her dying alone hurts deeply. While I would have done anything to save her … ANYTHING … would I take a mulligan in this situation?

The most important lesson I have learned through the loss of my beloved Jeannie is this … I am not in charge … our almighty and loving Father is. The harder we fight to take matters into our own hands the harder it gets. Yes, we have free will. We make decisions and suffer consequences for poor choices made, but ultimately God is in the driver’s seat. Sometimes the worst tragedies teach us the most important life lessons. Am I happy about that? NO! I would do just about anything to have Jeannie back with us.

I tell Donna often how I wish they could have met. I believe they would have been good friends. I am very happy that Donna Lynn and Jeannie's mom (Donna) have such a great relationship; it’s very special and somewhat unusual, but wonderful. My relationship with my wife Donna, her relationship with Jeannie's mother, and, most importantly, my relationship with God all came to be through tragedy. So, would I take a mulligan? Thankfully, I will never have to answer that question!

Mr. Rock Noble